How to get over a fear of driving, one short drive at a time

Is it normal to be scared of driving?

Yes. Plenty of people feel their stomach drop at the thought of a drive, and they don’t all look the same. Some got their license years ago and quietly stopped driving, or are about to take their first drive alone. Others are fine on local streets but freeze at the thought of a highway on-ramp. Some had a scare, or a crash, and the car hasn’t felt the same since. And some are learning later than their friends and feel behind.

If any of that is you, you’re not strange and you’re not stuck. Nerves about driving make sense: it’s a big machine, other people are close, and things happen quickly. The aim of this guide isn’t to make the fear vanish. It’s to help you drive with the nerves along for the ride, a little more each time. You don’t have to be fearless to drive.

This is about everyday driving. If your nerves are about a road test, our guide on driving test nerves the night before and the morning of is the one you want.

How do you start driving again when you’ve been avoiding it?

Small and boring is the goal. Skipping the car feels easier today, but the longer you leave it, the bigger the next drive can feel. So the trick is to keep driving, in steps small enough that you’ll actually take them.

Guides written for new drivers are a good model, because they build up skills the same way. The Oregon DMV suggests starting in “empty parking lots or on remote roads”, practicing “during daylight hours with good weather”, and then moving to quiet neighborhood streets “and later to busier roads and highways.” That works at 17 and at 47.

If you’re still learning, do every step with a licensed supervising driver or instructor, and check what your permit allows (some places limit learners on highways).

Here’s one way to build your own ladder:

1. Sit in the car with the engine off. Adjust the seat and mirrors. Get used to being there. Even that is practice.
2. Drive around an empty parking lot. A weekend morning is often quiet.
3. Drive a short route you know well. Around the block, or to a store five minutes away, in daylight.
4. Make that route a little longer. Add one street you know less well.
5. Add one harder thing at a time. A busier road, then dusk, then light rain. Only one new thing per drive.
6. Repeat a step until it feels routine. Then you’re ready for the next one.

That’s the idea behind overcoming driving anxiety: one short drive at a time. Practicing at quieter times helps too. You get space to think, fewer cars around you and less pressure from behind. Busy times can wait until the quiet ones feel easy.

What about highways?

Highways (motorways in some places) often feel like the big one. The Nebraska DMV’s supervised driving program suggests starting “at a time when traffic is light, such as a weekend morning”, on a road with easy exits, and riding as a passenger first so you can watch how merging works. It also says something many nervous drivers need to hear: “There is plenty of time to merge. If a gap doesn’t present itself immediately, adjust your speed in order to find one.” Try one on-ramp to the next exit, then come off (with your supervising driver, if you’re still learning). Done.

What can you do before you set off?

A lot of the nerves arrive before the car moves. Give the first few minutes a routine, so your hands have something to do.

Do a slow breath while you’re still parked. MedlinePlus, from the US National Library of Medicine, describes a simple deep breath for stress:

1. Sit still and place one hand on your stomach.
2. Breathe in slowly until you feel your stomach rise.
3. Hold your breath for a moment.
4. Breathe out slowly, feeling your stomach fall.

A few rounds with the engine off, then start the car. Practice it at home too, so it’s familiar when you need it. Our guide on how to calm nerves before a big day has more ways to settle your body.

Set things up before you move. Plan the route, put your phone where you won’t touch it, and choose your music or podcast now. The California DMV’s handbook lists “changing music or volume” among the distractions to avoid while you drive, and the CDC says simply: “Do not multi-task while driving.”

Decide where you could stop. Before a new route, pick one or two places you could pull in if you wanted to: a quiet side street, a parking lot, a gas station. You may not need them. Knowing they’re there is the point.

What helps while you’re on the road?

Once you’re moving, keep it simple. Eyes on the road, one small thing at a time.

Talk yourself through it. Saying what you’re doing (“mirror, signal, slow down, okay, you’ve got this”) can keep your mind on the next step instead of the what-ifs. How you talk matters too. In a set of studies on stressful tasks like giving a speech, Kross and colleagues (2014) found that people who coached themselves with their own name or “you”, rather than “I”, showed less distress. Try “Sam, you’re doing fine. Next light, then left.” ikuyo can set you up to talk yourself through it before you go (more on that below).

It’s okay to pull over. If you feel too shaky, upset or tired to drive well, find a safe place and stop. On a highway, aim for the next exit or a rest area rather than the shoulder. Driving education is clear on this. Montana’s driver education course tells students to “take a moment to calm down and breathe” and to delay driving when upset, and the DC DMV says a tired driver “should pull over in a safe place and get some rest before resuming your trip.” Taking a break isn’t failing. Breathe, have some water, and set off again when you’re ready, or call it a drive and go home. Both count.

Calm audio, if it helps you focus. Some people find quiet music or a familiar podcast steadying. Keep it low enough to hear the road. The California DMV’s handbook says you “must be able to hear horns, sirens, motorcycles, or screeching tires”. Rules on headphones and earbuds vary by place, so check yours. Save guided relaxation or sleep tracks for when you’re parked: a drive needs your eyes open and your mind on the road.

Here’s how the stages fit together:

Moment	Something small to try
Before you get in	Pick the route and one or two places you could stop
Parked, engine off	A few slow breaths, then set your music and phone
Pulling out	Talk yourself through the first turn
A wobble mid-drive	Take the next safe place to stop (an exit or a parking lot, not the shoulder), breathe, decide what’s next
Back home	Note one thing that went better than you expected

What if a scare set you back, or you’re learning later than everyone else?

After a scare or a crash. It’s very common to feel shaken for a while. The NIMH lists “car crashes or other accidents” among traumatic events, and says that “most people will recover from these symptoms, and their reactions will lessen over time.” Go gently, at your own pace, and lean on someone you trust. If you were hurt, check with your doctor before you drive again. It also says “it is important to seek professional help if symptoms do not improve over time or begin to interfere with daily life.” If the crash keeps replaying, or you can’t face a car at all, that’s worth talking to a doctor about. You don’t have to push through it alone.

Learning later. There’s no right age to start driving. Some people learn at 17, others at 32 or 60, for all sorts of reasons: money, where they lived, a city with good transit, or simply not being ready. Comparing your timeline with a friend’s only adds pressure you don’t need. Measure yourself against last month’s you instead. Did a route get easier? Then you’re moving.

How can ikuyo help with driving nerves?

ikuyo is a phone app for the days before something you’re nervous about. Scout, a small explorer robot, turns those days into a map of short quests, and keeps you company on the day itself.

If there’s a drive you’re dreading, like a first drive alone, your first highway or driving again after a scare, you can make it your mission and give it a day. Scout plans the days before around the ideas in this guide, small steps first. If a road test is coming up instead, ikuyo’s driving anxiety mission covers the days before, the morning and the wait. It’s free to start.

ikuyo isn’t therapy and doesn’t treat a phobia. It helps you plan small steps and keeps you company.

When is it time to get more help?

Some fears are bigger than a few tips. If you’re avoiding driving even when it costs you a job, a visit or your independence, or the fear feels like it’s growing, talk to your doctor or a licensed therapist. A therapist can work with you on a step-by-step plan. The Cleveland Clinic describes exposure therapy as a type of therapy in which “you’re gradually exposed to the things, situations and activities you fear”, and the NIMH says it is particularly effective for phobias. As the NIMH puts it: “If you have concerns about your mental health, talk to a primary care provider.”

If you ever feel unsafe or overwhelmed, in the car or anywhere else, please go to our help now page for people you can reach straight away.

For today, you don’t need a plan for every road. Sit in the car for five minutes. That’s a start.